Information & Resources for
Teens, Parents & Educators
YWCA Enid is dedicated to fostering healthy relationships among teenagers. Here, you'll find essential information on recognizing signs of abuse, guidance for parents to initiate conversations with their children, and the significance of educating teens about healthy relationships. Let's work together to raise awareness, provide resources, and foster a community committed to building healthy youth relationships!
47% of dating teens have been victims of dating violence
65-75% of teens report experiencing digital dating abuse. Being controlled and monitored through technology is most common.
47% of dating girls & 35% of dating boys experience emotional dating abuse
18.5% of dating girls & 19.4%of dating boys experience physical dating abuse
13.6% of dating girls & 8.3% of dating boys experience sexual dating abuse
For Teens ↘
What type of relationship are you in?
Healthy
A healthy relationship means both you and your partner are:
Communicating
Respectful
Trusting
Honest
Equal
Enjoying personal time away from each other
Making mutual choices
Financially independent
Setting and following healthy boundaries (emotionally, physically, sexually, and digitally)
Compromising equally
Keeping passwords and digital devices private
Participating in activities and hobbies you like
Focusing on schoolwork
Unhealthy
You may be in a unhealthy relationship if your partner is:
Not Communicating
Disrespectful
Not trusting
Dishonest/lying
Trying to take control/make all the decisions
Only spending time with you, and uninterested in hobbies and other friend groups
Excessively communicating online or over the phone
Pressuring you into activities
Controlling you financially
Crossing boundaries
Abusive
Abuse is occurring in a relationship if your partner is:
Communicating in a hurtful or threatening way
Accusing you of cheating when it’s untrue
Denying or minimizing their own actions are abusive
Isolating you from others
Shifting blame for their actions
Exhibiting possessive or controlling behavior
Ignoring boundaries
Having explosive outbursts or mood swings
Gaslighting, or using other mind games to control, trick, or guilt you
Not respecting sexual boundaries by begging, coercing, threatening, or using force
Insulting, demeaning, or other forms of verbal or emotional abuse
Hitting, slapping, choking, punching, or other forms of physical abuse
Controlling or monitoring your online activities
Stalking or digitally monitoring your location and digital activity
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If you're trapped in an abusive relationship, it's crucial to take steps to break free. Ending ties with an abusive partner is often challenging, especially when emotions are involved. It's natural to miss them but remember why you're choosing to walk away. Your well-being should always come first.
When you're ready to end things, don't let your partner manipulate or coerce you into staying. If they threaten harm, either to you or others, seek help from a trusted adult immediately. Your safety is paramount, so don't hesitate to reach out to your parents, friends, or other support networks for assistance.
If facing your partner in person feels unsafe, consider alternative methods of communication, such as calling, texting, or emailing. Remember, you have the right to feel safe and respected in your relationships. Abuse is never acceptable, and you deserve better.
Know that you're not alone in this struggle, and there are people and resources available to help you navigate through it. Confide in someone you trust, whether it's a parent, friend, or health provider. Seeking guidance from a therapist can also provide invaluable support as you work through the emotional aftermath of abuse.
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Physical abuse
Emotional and verbal abuse
Sexual abuse
Financial abuse
Digital abuse
Stalking
What is abuse and what should you do if you have experienced abuse?
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Consent is Freely given, Reversible, Informed, Enthusiastic, and Specific. FRIES
*Freely given: Consenting is a choice you make without pressure, force, manipulation, or under the influence of drugs or alcohol. There's no such thing as implied consent in any relationship.
*Reversible: Anyone can change their mind about what they feel like doing, at any time. Even if you’ve done it before, and even if you decide you don’t want to continue what you and your partner are doing right at that moment.
*Informed: You can only consent to something if you have the full story. For example, if someone says they’ll use a condom and then they don’t, there isn’t full consent.
*Enthusiastic: You should only do stuff you WANT to do, not things that you feel you’re expected to do.
*Specific: Saying yes to one thing (like going to the bedroom to make out) doesn’t mean you’ve said yes to others (like doing anything other than making out)
Remember YES means YES, the absence of a NO does not mean YES.
More examples of what consent looks like & What is the Legal Role of Consent
For Parents ↘
Warning signs of relationship abuse in your teens & how to talk to your teens about healthy relationships.
Empower your teen with the knowledge to make informed and healthy choices in all types of relationships, including their dating life!
It’s never too early to talk to your child about healthy relationships and dating abuse. Whether you believe your teen is currently in an unhealthy relationship or has not yet begun dating, talking about healthy relationships and dating violence is crucial for their safety and well-being - now and in the future.
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*Problems with school attendance
*Lack of interest in former extracurricular activities
*Isolation from friends or family
*Unexplained bruising or injuries
*Making excuses or apologizing for partner’s behavior
*Noticeable change in weight, demeanor, or physical appearance
*Extreme jealousy or possessiveness from your child’s partner.
*Constant emails, texts, or calls from their partner.
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It's crucial to approach the situation with empathy, understanding, and respect for the autonomy of your teen. Attempting to force or coerce someone to leave an abusive relationship may lead to resistance and could potentially isolate them further.
*Listen & Give Support: Be a good listener, ensuring they feel comfortable opening up to you.
*Accept What Your Child is Telling You: Believe your child even if it's difficult to hear, fostering trust.
*Show Concern: Express concern for their safety and emphasize their right to respect.
*Focus on Behaviors, Not Individuals: Discuss observed abusive behaviors rather than speaking negatively about the person involved.
*Avoid Ultimatums: Resist giving ultimatums, allowing your child to make their own decisions.
*Be Prepared: Educate yourself on dating abuse, helping your child identify warning signs and promoting healthy relationships.
*Create a Safety Plan: Work together to develop a safety plan tailored to their situation.
*Decide on Next Steps Together: Collaborate on determining the next steps, respecting their autonomy.
*Encourage your Teen to talk to a counselor, therapist, or a helpline.
Remember that patience, empathy, and ongoing support are key when helping someone navigate the complexities of leaving an abusive relationship.
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*Choose the Right Time and Place: Ensure your teen feels comfortable discussing relationships in a relaxed and private setting.
*Active Listening, Be Open and Non-Judgmental: Listen without judgment and validate their feelings.
*Encourage Open Communication and Acceptance: Let your teen know you're there to listen and support them, even if the information is difficult.
*Educate About Healthy Relationships: Emphasize respect, communication, Boundaries, and consent.
*Focus on Respect and Boundaries: Discuss emotional, physical, and digital boundaries, stressing the importance of respecting personal space.
*Discuss Warning Signs: Talk about the warning signs of an unhealthy relationship, such as controlling behavior, isolation, or emotional manipulation. Emphasize that anyone can be a victim.
*Address Digital Safety: Stress the importance of establishing boundaries online and respecting each other's privacy. Discuss the potential repercussions of location sharing and engaging in sexting.
*Explore Consent: Explain the concept, ensuring your teen understands it should be mutual, enthusiastic, and continuous, with the right to say no at any time.
*Share Resources: Provide resources such Love Is Respect or Break the Cycle for your teen to visit.
*Revisit the Conversation: Keep communication open by revisiting the topic periodically, staying engaged, and observing any changes in behavior or mood.
Other ongoing Examples:
*Be an active participant in your teen’s life: Actively participating in your teen's life allows you to offer guidance on healthy relationship dynamics you see.
*Creating a Supportive Environment: Teens who feel supported by their parents are more likely to reach out for help when needed
*Modeling Healthy Relationships: Your own relationships and interactions serve as a model for your teen
*Early Intervention: Early identification of warning signs allows for timely intervention and support. Teens who feel supported by their parents are more likely to reach out for help when needed.
For Educators↘
It’s crucial to talk to your students about healthy relationships - YWCA can help!
Through prevention education, youth are empowered to make informed decisions about their relationships and gain valuable insight into healthy relationship dynamics. Armed with this knowledge, teens develop the confidence to set boundaries, advocate for their needs, identify potential red flags, and navigate complex interpersonal interactions effectively.
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Our presentations are for all ages, spanning Elementary to High School students. Materials are modified to be age and gender appropriate for each audience. The importance of healthy relationships at all levels is stressed, as dating interactions are not the only relationship focused on. Healthy relationships with family, friends, coworkers, and peers are also discussed with students.
Our presentation includes:
*Healthy Relationship Fundamentals
*Developing Healthy Communication & Trust
*Identifying Healthy & Unhealthy Boundaries (Emotional & Physical)
*Digital Boundaries (Including Internet Safety & the Consequences of Sending Inappropriate Material, as age-appropriate)
*Understanding Manipulation & Controlling Behaviors
*Red Flags in Relationships – How to Spot Them & Seek Help
*Brief Overview of YWCA Services – Youth Services like Project Cinderella & Counseling
*Q&A Activity to Test their Knowledge
We offer separate presentations for Grade School, Middle School, and High School students. We have also found it helpful to separate the boys and girls in MS & HS for these presentations. This helps to ensure smaller groups and more active participation, and that the material is age and gender appropriate for all in attendance.
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Education is a powerful tool in preventing teen dating violence is crucial for several reasons:
Prevention of Abuse: Teaching teens about healthy relationships helps them recognize and avoid abusive behaviors, reducing the likelihood of experiencing or perpetrating abuse.
Communication Skills: Learning about healthy relationships promotes effective communication skills, helping teens express their needs, boundaries, and emotions constructively.
Self-Esteem: Understanding what constitutes a healthy relationship can boost teens' self-esteem and self-worth, enabling them to seek and maintain relationships that are respectful and fulfilling.
Long-Term Well-Being: Developing healthy relationship skills early in life sets a foundation for future well-being, leading to healthier interpersonal connections and greater overall life satisfaction.
Digital Literacy: Educate teens about healthy online interactions and the need for mutual respect and consent in all online interactions, including keeping passwords private.
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While elementary and middle school students may seem young to discuss dating relationships, it's essential to start these conversations early for several reasons:
Children as young as elementary school age begin to observe and imitate behaviors they see in their peers and media. By discussing healthy relationship dynamics, we can counteract potentially negative influences and provide positive role modeling. While the content of these discussions may be age-appropriate and tailored to their developmental level, it's never too early to begin teaching children about respect, communication, and boundaries in relationships. By educating students about healthy relationships early on, we can help prevent the development of unhealthy relationship patterns, such as dating violence or abuse, in their future relationships.
FAQs
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YES!
Teen Dating Abuse is a significant problem affecting many adolescents. Research indicates that a concerning percentage of teens experience some form of dating abuse, whether it's emotional, physical, or digital.
These abusive behaviors can have profound and long-lasting effects on the well-being and development of young people:
Victims are more likely to fare poorly in school, engage in risky behaviors like substance abuse, experience mental health issues, and face challenges in adulthood.
Survivors may struggle with intimacy, societal integration, personal values, and identity formation.
Perpetrators risk damaging future relationships and may engage in bullying. Early recognition of these issues is crucial for prompt intervention.
Addressing Teen Dating Abuse is crucial to promoting healthy relationships and ensuring the safety and security of teens in their relationship interactions.
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*Only 1/3 of the teens who were involved in an abusive relationship confided in someone about the violence.
*CDC research indicates that teenagers in LGBTQ+ relationships in the US face an equal or greater risk of experiencing dating abuse compared to their peers in heterosexual relationships.
*Dating abuse can begin as early as the 6th grade.
*50% of young people who experience rape or physical or sexual abuse will attempt to commit suicide.
*Adolescent girls between the ages of 12 and 17 face the highest risk of sexual assault and rape, with approximately 35% of perpetrators being individuals in dating relationships. The majority of other perpetrators are typically friends or acquaintances of the victim.
*Teens who suffer dating abuse are subject to long-term consequences like alcoholism, eating disorders, promiscuity, thoughts of suicide, and violent behavior.
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Teens may stay in abusive relationships due to several factors, including lack of awareness about abuse dynamics, rationalizing their partner's behavior, internalizing blame, and fear of repercussions. Limited exposure to healthy relationship models and education on abuse may hinder their recognition of abusive signs, making it challenging to seek help. They might attribute their partner's actions to temporary challenges like stress or substance abuse, minimizing the severity of the abuse. Additionally, some teens may blame themselves for the abuse, further complicating their ability to leave. Fear of retaliation or escalating violence also keeps them trapped. Addressing these issues and providing resources and support networks are crucial in empowering teens to break free from abuse.
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YES!
Digital Dating Abuse happens when one person controls, harasses, stalks, and abuses their dating partner via technology and social media.
Examples could include:
*Excessive communication attempts such as frequent calls, texts, and messages to check up on the partner.
*Anger or frustration when the partner doesn't respond promptly to communications via texts, calls, or social media.
*Engaging in cyberbullying by spreading rumors, insults, or humiliating the partner online.
*Sending threatening messages, including those indicating harm to oneself, the partner, or property.
*Invading privacy by demanding access to passwords and PIN codes and reading the partner's phone and messages without consent.
*Tracking the partner's location or activities, possibly through their phone.
*Monitoring the partner's social media activity, including posts, likes, and friends.
*Controlling the partner's actions and whereabouts by questioning their activities and demanding removal of friends or posts on social media.
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